I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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