Don't you send me to vm
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
