Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
