he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
