I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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