I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
