Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
