in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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