ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
