If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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