is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
