Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
