i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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