you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
