In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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