Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
