after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
