Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
