I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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