Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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