im six kinds of drunk right now
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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