So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
