I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
