I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
