i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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