had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
