i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
either way he was missing a nipple.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
