I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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