I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
