My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
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I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
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It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog