This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
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5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
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This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????