dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.