Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency