He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
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He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
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I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You're a waste of cheezeits
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious