they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You may now shotgun with the bride
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy