My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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