the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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