I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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