id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
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Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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