he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
