My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
