Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
