Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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