is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
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He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
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I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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