You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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