Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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