i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
