Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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