ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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