I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
