When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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