So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
