Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
