I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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