if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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