omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
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I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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