There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
