Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
