I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
