Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize