I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
