okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
