I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize