My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
