your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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