He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
