His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
