I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I understand Curling. That high.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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