she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I wish I only lived at night.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
