a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
