Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
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I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
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That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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