do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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